Introduction

Here's a little introduction to my life, it's really kind of complicated but whatever, here it goes; My full name is Kaitlyn Marie Katsaros, 14 years old, I live in Glendale, AZ, and I'm a freshman at Centennial High School. Lets start off from the beginning, kindergarten, 2003, till this day, I stand with out a "best" friend, or even a friend in that matter. By the time 7th grade came around, I was exposed to bullying, I got threatened everyday, everyday... By someone different. Bullied. I got called a various amount of names. At first it didn't really bug me, I always kept that smile on my face, I didn't really care what people said about me because I knew it wasn't true. 8th grade, I was exposed to cutting, cutting my wrists, legs, hips, and stomach. The stuff all these people are saying about me, finally got to me. I started taking everything people told me for granted. Well, since it's been this way for so long, why would all these people lie to me? I took it all in, I took every single word in, I took it out on myself. August, 2012, I started high school, I was supposed to go to Cactus High with everyone from my Elementary school, but I couldn't, I didn't want to live through that pain and torture anymore. So, I go to a high school a little ways away, Centennial High. I really thought that this fresh start for me was going to be different, I really did, but in reality, it's only gotten worse. Everyday, people walk past me, calling me a whore, a slut, rumors going around that I'm pregnant, that I'm worthless, that I'm just nothing to no body. Last night, was my 4th attempt to commit suicide, freshman, no kid should be living through this type of pain, I'm only 14. I look at all the other people around me and think to myself and ask "Why can't I have that kind of life?" Everyday, I constantly have a fake smile on m face, I'm really good at it. People see the cuts on my arms and wonder, they ask me "Your always smiling... You look so innocent... Why?" I try to hind everything at school, has hard as I possibly can. Of course I'm going to smile instead of cry everyday at school, people will constantly laugh. I wonder sometimes why don't I just end it, now. If I could fall asleep and not wake up, that would be the best thing in the world. I've tired hanging myself, I've tired drowning myself, I've tried stabbing myself. I can't do it anymore. What am I supposed to do anymore? Just take all this pain and keep living like this? I absolutely hate it, so much. I'd rather die than live through all this. Society is very messed up, I can't believe you people can put someone through this to make them feel like nothing, making them feel like they're not meant to be here. I believe god made a mistake with me, every since the beginning, it's been this way. Why would god put me through this? I don't want to get help, I don't want to be put on medication, I will not tell my parents about this, it would kill my mother. I want to die without hurting my family. That the only reason why I'm still here today, for my family.